Well it’s the grind so what’s the latest flavored coffee? Vulnerability. In my standup, I’m starting to write about my core issue. You know, the reason I’m psychologically damaged (what, like everyone isn’t damaged goods?) My issue: I’m financially dependent on my parents. There I said it. I wrote it in the blogosphere. It’s out there.
In therapy we discuss having your life choices match your values and to be open about them. By the way, I’m in therapy too. If being financially dependent is my skeleton in the closet then being in therapy is the right femur. Therapy is much more societally acceptable than being financially dependent. If it weren’t my father, but rather my husband supporting me; I wouldn’t be as ashamed. That means I found a man with money who spends it on me—finding that man is hard work and well deserved. Hello values!
I downgraded my living expenses by moving from a one bedroom in Manhattan to having a roommate in Queens. Wow, what a selfless hero. Still, I feel shame and embarrassment; feelings that I bring upon myself because my parents are happy to help me. The reality is my life choices don’t match my values. I need to either change my life choices, my values or start making money in comedy. All of the three options feel rather impossible to overcome, but because of hope, stubbornness and/or perseverance I forge on in the hopes of achieving the latter. Until then, I hope to have the strength to be vulnerable on stage and try out this new “material”. It’s all about baby steps.